Papercup with the rubber duck

Great.

What a way to start off the weekend with a duty that I have to do. That means I'm effectively staying-in in camp until Saturday morning. Great.

And it was a last minute change of duty allocation. Lucky I haven't got anything planned for tomorrow night.

Sigh.

I...

Feel...

Like a failure...

Sucks to be me.

I'm feeling all fucked up over what I did. Like really.

What now?

That, was a huge load off my shoulders, a fucking god damn bloody huge load.

Like for real.

Finally, I did something about it. It's kinda best to let people know what you plan to do and how you feel instead of just going ahead with plans all alone. Because that just leaves people hanging in mid-air not knowing what the fuck happened.

I wouldn't if I had a choice. And I'm feeling all fucked up right now.

Am I going to regret this.

Was watching The Girl Next Door movie, life always seem so perfect in movies.

Come July, everything should fall into place.

Come July, Life will begin.

Come July, I will move on from what I had for you.

Come July, You will be nothing compared to what I will be surrounded with.

Because in July, The floodgates are officially opened.

That was the last straw.

Until the time comes when you tell me you are ready, I am not going to do anything.

Today is Leave-Day! And tmr is Back-To-Camp-Day. So it was suppose to be a fun-filled day for me as planned. But turns out everything didn't go as planned. Was suppose to wake up at 9am to go swimming and stuff but I ended up waking at 11. So I went ahead as planned and then off to my grannies for lunch with her. From then on, Ziqi called me to say that he wanted to go home first so we would meet at JP instead of town. That means telling Mingfen I had to cancel our appointment cause I wasn't gonna go town anymore. Then, after reaching home, Ziqi said he felt kinda sick(he was all along, cause he took off to see the doctor) and decided that we should meet up another day. So me being nice, says ok and end up with nothing to do except driving lessons later in the evening.

Being nice = no benefits.

That's what I always believed. No point being Mr.Nice.

I shall never commit myself to anything anymore. No not even relationships or saying "ok, I'll get it for you(whatever it is that whoever asks me to get for them)".

I hope I get half-day off tmr. Cause there's really nothing to do in camp and Jason swapped our duties so he's gonna do duty tmr. Then i'll be free to go meet up with Sean and Chang.

I'm getting out of the picture. Maybe she'll be happier as it is at the moment. We'll see how in the future.

I have been instigated by a friend to blog cause I have not been blogging for quite some time. So here goes...

This is bringing blogging-outdoors to the next level. I'm blogging from camp. That's how sad my life currently is. Having need to stay in the office till everyone goes off before locking up and going off myself. What the fuck kinda system is this? Can't they lock the office after themselves? What the hell for the bloody president gave them crabs on their shoulders for nothing. To prove that high ranking officials can't do simple things like picking up a broom which dropped or locking up their own offices. How selfish can they get? If they want to stay up late in office by all means go ahead, it's shows they are getting work done, whether efficiently with more done or inefficiently as they are clearing work too slowly, but why make an innocent party wait for you to be done just to lock up the doors? Wastage of time on our part. They may not have life by signing on to the army, but WE bloody NSFs have a life.

Ok so apart from what's happening at the moment, the past few weeks have been should I say, more of a roller coaster ride. Well it was kind of an awakening call. Kinda added some jizz in my life some way or another. Kinda brought back that excitement in life I haven't gotten in a long while.

No, I'm not saying what exactly it was or what happened. I've added censorship to my posts in the light of kids reading it. Hahaha. Well, it went on for a moment. Kind of like a 1 time-off thingy(from what i think the other person thinks), that lasted for a few weeks. It was fun. It was great to have gone through it. And I want to thank that person for it. Although it kind of died down, but I'm not the sort to really start finding fault. It may be a little sad that it kinda died down so quickly, but like what I said earlier, it was good to be there.

For once in all my 53 posts on this blog I'm expressing the sense of appreciation, never seen before, never was the kind of Matthew in the past to really just stop, look, and say, "Hey! I appreciated what you've done."

It kinda sounds so wrong now. Kinda sounds so un-Matthew. Well, I guess at the end of the day it's all about making others happy, disregarding whether you preferred a better outcome or not.

I was thinking to myself about that Papercup-with-the-rubber-duck heading, well the duck will eventually grow larger and has to leave the papercup some day. It's all about making the time the duck spent in the papercup a memorable one. Am I wrong to say that?

To start things off, my hair looks retarded. I don't really know how to describe it. It's just plainly retarded. I look like some emo-punk with crappy hair.

So it's Day 1 of "being-back-in-camp-after-a-long-mc-week". And what a way to start by getting told to go E-Mart and get my SCT rank off and the corporal rank sew on my uniform. So starts my journey as a "men" till September. That's if I'm certified fit to go back to training. I certainly am not happy being taken out of course mid-way. So what if it was a medical issue and that it was not my fault or anything. I still feel crappy thinking of it.

So early in the morning, I reached back to camp at about 7.30am after breakfast with my brother at Jln Kayu. Walked the usual walk, turned at the usual turns, climbed the usual climbs, opened the usually opened, sat on the usually seated, and looked all around me. This bunk used to be lively. Fill with my course-mates. Those whom went through countless lectures, painful scrutinizing by the 19th Hazard and nights spent at the mess drinking cheap beer and playing Foosball. But the blue bedsheets have all been cleared. Leaving only the dirty white of the bed itself. Lockers empty and half-opened. Only mine was left, still with a lock on.
I sat on my bed for pretty much more than a moment. Just absorbing all that's around me

That's pretty much the jizz of the day. The rest are unimportant.


Emo - WIN | Try to be a cooliox blogger - FAIL


When is life going to get eggciting again?

Good bye people. For now or forever. Op in 6 hours time.

PS: Some people are just so impatient for a birthday wish. The fact that I refused to wish online and gave a cell-call but the person just don't bother answering. OKAY.

Blame me, I won't be there to argue with you anyway.

At long last the 50th post since I started this blog.

To say this is a celebration or not I myself wouldn't know. Well I don't feel a slight bit of happiness in my life at the moment.

Call it withdrawal symptoms. But I'm starting to feel the pain the restrictions is taking on my life. I can't go out without worrying. I can't stay out. And most importantly I can't club. No it's not all about the girls and the grinding. It's about spending quality time having fun with people around you. That's what keeps me going in life. Not money, not girls, not popularity or anything else. It's just a plain old simple need of each individual, human being, or living thing for that matter. The need for interaction, socialisation. The only difference is just that I may have placed a much more greater emphasis on this particular need in my life.

Anyway on a high note, I've been posted to EOD. A specialized unit dealing with bombs. Well, that's pretty fun on one side, pretty tough trainings ahead of me on the other. Being in ETI STW for the past 3 weeks was pretty much tougher than BMTC and SISPEC. But I made it through anyhow. Now I'll be on my 3rd phase in my army life.

Sucks to be me. Really. Sean suddenly told me that girls like guys who are positive and confident. Cause we were talking about what I just said up above. And for somehow it moved to girls.

Confidence. Is something I possess. Positivity? Now that's really abstract to me.


Unfairness rules the world? Hell yea!

Today is, book in day. Hahaha.

Alright woke up in the morning feeling all shagged out as though I just ran 3km. Why in the world is Matthew waking up so early on a Sunday? That's because he's going to collect his new puppy. Yes. Puppy. For once I actually own a puppy, without the need to pay sky-high prices for one. Hah.

It's an exotic mix. Of Maltese and wild dog breed. Her father has a mohawk. That's a hint into the wild dog breed. I'm not going to say it here. =)

Let the pictures talk.



Sunny checking out the new kid on the block.


Her sleeping away.


Again. Simply adorable.



We were all thinking hard as to what name to give her. I was expecting a boy. But turns out it's a girl but anyhow it's alright. My sister said no names that sounds like "Sunny" to remove the confusion of the 2 dogs. I asked Samsq and she kinda gave me quite a jiggy name. Nuggets. I kinda like that. Now it's just whether my sister doesn't mind that name.

I kinda found out something about myself over the years. That whenever I'm craving to listen to some form of techno, more towards vocal trance genre, that means I'm feeling depressed in some way or another. I might not notice it myself, less others. Or even really feel the pain kicking in. But it just means something's bothering me.

For now, I know whats the something. It's being in the army. It's not physically challenging or anything that bothers me. It's more of a psychological thing. Mentally draining. Making you do things you don't want to do when there are so many other more beneficial things to do in this period, that makes you stronger in a way. To push your tolerance threshold further, to make you understand and be able in the future to know that sometimes in life, you have to do things that you don't like/want in order to proceed forward. Maybe that's what army's about. Or rather how I see it.

It's been a fucking long while since I last posted. And yes at last out of Tekong and out of BMT. Postings' coming up soon on Friday. Really hope I get in somewhere cool.

It's kinda been the same throughout. Nothing really new. Nothing really old. Come to think of it. I had an awesome childhood. Just so happens my teenage life isn't as colourful. Or is it.

Been trying to meet up with as much people as possible due to my time constrains. Not everyone I could, but at least I tried.

I've been helping out at an old folks home this week. Kinda fun, a different experience. Kinda boring, no hot chicks around. But by and by its the same routine everyday for them. I may do it because I have to do it. But it's all about making the best out of situations you're in whether you like it or not.

It just makes me a little happier to know I put a smile on their faces at the end of the day. Or maybe even just a thought in them that kinda goes on the lines like "Hey, there are kids who actually bothers or cares to give us some attention".

After so long of disappearance, I've come to have found out something.

There is no meaning in life.

Well at least in mine there isn't.

And it does not help that I've been so bloody down on my luck.

Well if there is a god, He gave me everything. But He also took everything away in an instant.

Everything was well, on track, as I planned. Until He interrupted.

What did I do to deserve all these shit. I think I've been the good-dest of good boy in this period of my life compared to when I was in the past.

What the fuck more do you want from me.


Had an aim, had that tiny bit of hope of meaning. Now, its back to usual.

Nothing can save me, not even the lame-ass, mindless and blind preaching christian assholes who disgrace the religion.


Cute song, not that there isn't any good things that happened since I last posted. Pictures pictures and more pictures. Coming soon. I hope.

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and green
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

Lotsa stuff been up to lately. Pics some time later. Have been out riding alot the past few weeks and reaching home around 3am. Waking up at 5pm the next day and prepare for dinner and some TV watching before embarking on my daily riding again. That's life. For now.

My dad just sold the Santa Fe. That means no more chances for me to drive the car.

Was up with Boon and Wh and Yiru at Clementi drinking and stuff. On my way home my bike got scrapped at the kerbs causing some real damage to my rims and pedals. I don't know what I'm gonna do with the rims. The scratches are damn bad. Damn the stupid car who drove so close. Even my fork got scratches on them. Damn it.

I'm currently into jap music. And not J-Pop. I mean old-skool jap! Something like this.



Pretty tired. I really don't know what I am taking my driving license for. Went out car-shopping with my brother cause he doesn't have one now since my dad sold the car. And he ended up deciding not to buy any and take a cab everyday instead. Cause it's bloody cheaper. How the hell am I suppose to afford a car if a bloody tiny car like a Honda Fit or Chevrolet Aveo cost 1.2k a month to maintain. That's including installment, insurance, petrol, parking, road tax. Fuck. 

On a side note, I kinda met Rayne a few days back. It just kinda left me a little sad-der.

Been going out alot lately. Meeting Orang Utan for lunch, meeting Sam to town, and then Mel and all for dinner. 

Rushed down to Pacific Plaza last night to get the Gravis Hobo. And damn I was lucky, the guy like kinda closed the shutters halfway already, but I asked if I could just pick up something. Then it was down to Taka to get some sushi before dropping by at Swatch to pay Mingfa a visit.

I'm like seriously broke. I thought I still had about 200bucks, so I happily bought the bag. When I checked my acc it had like 50bucks in it and I was like " wtf did i spend the money on". Rahh, all that drinking and clubbing the past few weeks. :(

Anyway, after Mingfa, I was kinda rushing to get a bus back to Clementi so I left in a hurry, met Huiting at the bus stop and we kinda like stared at each other but no one said hello cause, I really don't want to embarrass myself if I got the wrong person. And it was the same for her too. Haven't seen her in like 2 years. Haha. What a cutie shes' become over that period. We then boarded different buses and yea, it was only after that we knew.

I was kinda bored so I looked through pictures of my jc life. And then I kinda remembered an article, for once in my life, an article with me in it, which is damn hilarious. Just the whole exaggeration on the part of the author of the article. And I still can't believe he got my name wrong. 

But wth, it's good memories. One of the best I've had in jc.

Read it here!

Tutorials were a bore, lectures were for daydreaming and chinese b lessons were for me to skip. Hockey's what saved me from a lifeless jc-life.

It's pretty heartening to read that someone actually posted that he/she thinks PJC should have gone through to the 2nd round. I kinda thought so too. Like other groupings had 1 powerhouse each. But ours had 2. SA and ACS(I). But well, it's all for an exhilarating experience in a lifetime.

Times like these are priceless.



I'll always miss that adrenalin rush of A'Div.

Have been getting really bad headaches on my left side the past few days. And it usually only hits me during the 7am-9am range. Its so bad that I wake up in the middle of my sleep and I can't do anything until I pop my Panadine tablets. This is really bad. Lets hope it stops soon and isn't a sign of any complications.


I felt artistic today. Was talking to Wanyu when I thought about this and drew it for fun.

 

Damn, the weather is fucking hot. This is shit. Global warming in our lives? Nooo!!!! Turn on the freaking aircon! We don't give a shit cause it's not our problem, it will be our kids' ! Haha.

Okay went down to Zouk on wednesday night and it was bloody crowded. So we, 7 people, packed ourselves illegally into Benson's car and got ourselves to Mos instead. Loads of fun, crap and, more crap with Dalini, Benson, Chang, Sam Bao, Da's friend who's some americano-filipino girl and Ben's friend. Melissa from J1 Hockey and some other guy joined us later. Pics are in Dalini's camera. Can't get my hands on them at the moment.

I'm looking forward to the next session!

And that indecisive girl who decided not to go in the end! Haha.

Went down to MOS last night with Andy,Shunting and 2 more guys from SRC. Suppose to meet Adam but apparently he and his friends left for Zouk. So we kinda stayed out for awhile drinking cause Shun brought a bottle of Absolut. 

Met up with Karin at the ATM at UE. Could tell she thought she had got the wrong guy until I called her back. Haha

CHELSEA WON MANU. WOOHOO. Suckers MANU.

Went cycling with Tk after Nabil's birthday partyy. Icecream cake from swensens! Woohoo! Lucky I went late. It was "family" cake. HAHAHA.

Met up Shaik at Nabil's place after almost 2 years of not seeing each other. Nothings changed. He's still the same old him and I'm still the same old me. He's even got his Next Mint. Said it was comparable to the IceMint and he gave me 1 to try. 

RIght so lotsa eatings and stuff over at Nabil's place, and then losing them fats on the 32km ride up to CCK-Kranji-NeoTiew-LimChuKang and back to Boon Lay. Great stuff. I realised cycling helps keep my mind off stuffs as well. I should do this more often. 

Whos up for a 32km ride!